The College Plague

Dorm life.  I like to call it Dooms life. It's a gigantic cesspool of germs with little arms waiting to grasp your hand-sanatized hands and infect you with... the plague.  My friend so kindly pointed out to me that no, I do not have the actual plague, but ya know what? I have The College Plague.  It is a real thing.  After I post this it will even be on the internet.  And honestly, everything you read on the internet is real isn't it?
So basically, I went home this past weekend to do the Jew thing and celebrate Rosh Hashanah with my family.  I thought it was an extra perk to escape the residence halls and buses full of coughing, sneezing, and snot wiped sleeves, literally everyone I saw was getting sick, so I headed home eagerly.  My roommate had even just mentioned that she thought she might be coming down with something.  Little did I know, I had not escaped a single damn thing. Sure, I had a few nice days of health and wellness.  I went to the cider mill, painted my nails, babysit my cousins, but then, it started.
The New Year started Sunday night.  I helped my aunt prepare her house for a few hours, got myself all pretty with my flowy striped dress and 40s style shoes, and then headed to the beautiful feast my family had prepared.  I listened to my uncle lead one of our family's not-so-traditional traditional prayers, and chowed down on meat, chicken, World Famous Benny's Salad, honey cake, and chocolate chip cloud cookies.  I talked with all of my out of town family and all of my practical neighbors.  I was having a pretty great night. Then I helped my aunt clean up, and headed home for bed.
Turns out, it was a bad night.  I just laid there for hours thinking, "how on earth did I eat that much? I feel terrible! I'm gonna be sick!"  I ended up catching a few z's, but I woke up feeling just as bad as in the night.  I laid around like a lazy bum all day, slept on and off, and coughed myself to silence.  I couldn't set up for the second night, nor would anyone want me to handle their food, so I just sat and thought about how miserable I was.  
At dinner I felt better though! I was like, "yeah! I rock! I guess I really did eat too much!", but I was wrong.  I had some fun teaching my family celebrity, but again, I felt like crap the second I laid down.  The next day was worse than before.  Only I had work to do now.  Feeling terrible, I eventually got myself a workin', and then headed back to college.  I walked in to find that my roommate had a pharmacy on her shelf. She is not a drug addict, so this was strange, but I didn't think much of it.  She probably would've told me if she was sick right? Nope.  She came back and informed me that she was diagnosed with Strep.  You know, the infection of the throat that makes you just want to die it hurts so badly? That's the one.  I panicked! I did not want strep! I was already sick! But my mom, being all calm and collected, well, mostly just being a doctor, helped me figure out what to do to make myself feel better, and not catch strep... unless I already had it. 
Didn't help.  I'm still feeling sickly and sore and disgusting and terrible.  I've gone through so many cough drops my mouth is permanently bright red, and I drink so much water I feel like I swallowed a pool.  I'm more tired than Dorothy in a field of poppies.  The amount of miserableness I have has led me to diagnose myself with the College Plague. 

Trouble identifying whether or not you have the Plague? Here are a few easy ways to tell: 

1. The amount of pain you feel in your throat is is comparable to someone throwing darts in your mouth.
2.You are coughing more than the occasional throat clearing or wrong tube swallowing.
3. You can't walk up steps or outside because it's hard to breathe.
4. You can hardly breathe just laying there doing nothing like a real college student.
5. You're sore all over.
6. You feel like the delicious dorm food is gonna make you sick.
7. You just want to go to sleep. 

If you have any of these symptoms, please go to your health service provider or doctor for help.  You do not want to remain in this state too long because no one will want to be with you because you are gross.

Do not get the College Plague. Wash your hands and use sanitizer often.  Drink lots of water. And if you're worried! Grab some Emergen-C.  I hear that helps. Or a gas mask if you're one of those types.

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By the way, I was originally going to write a post about the Michigan tradition of going to cider mills and leave out the sick part, but I was feeling gross so that happened instead.  I know this was way less interesting and way more disgusting, so here is a little snippet of what that could have been:

This weekend I went home for Rosh Hashanah.  It was a pretty good holiday filled with great people and great food, but the best part of the weekend, was the trip to the cider mill.  Every Michiganian can tell you that it's not really fall until you head to your favorite cider mill and drink delicious fresh apple cider with warm donuts, and the occasional carmel apple, so I just had to go.---- Yup, that's it.  Would've been nice.  Oh well.